Movie Reviews in 3 words or less

• Hot Fuzz

Two words: Really Crappy

• The Simpsons Movie

One word: Awesome

• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Three words: Book is better

For those who disagree, I don't care.

Thanks.

Manners, where have they gone?

Today when I was at lunch, buying some hot dogs and a pop, I was reminded of why too many people in one area can have a detrimental effect on how people act. I will replay the whole scene, one way doing the original and the other a remix on how it should have went.

Manners #1

I am at the counter paying for my food when this old fucker comes and stands right next to me, invading my personal space. This offense gets me pissed right away. He looks at the girl behind the counter and starts rambling about what he wants to eat. He even has a piece of paper with what he needs written on it. The girl, still waiting on me, looks at him and he hands her the paper and a twenty dollar bill. I have an extremely pissed off look on my face, but I try to calm down so I don't go to jail for beating the elderly. Wait, let me tell you why I got extremely pissed in the first place.

This girl behind the counter is pretty cool. I go into this resturant every week and B.S. with her. She's has long dark hair, a cute face and a nice ass. Basically, she's pretty hot. I would like to fuck her. So as I am talking with her, this old fuck just bum rushes the counter and takes over. Instant pissed is what happened. So anyway....

I am standing to this guys right. I would say that I have maybe a foot, foot and a half on this bastard. I notice that the girl is looking at him and not at me. I turn to him and just stare with the look of utter disgust on my face. This old fucker looks up and doesn't even realize what his impatients has done. Then all the the sudden, the girl starts talking to me again about my order and I completely lose my train of thought and forget about that old fuck. End of story.

Manners #1 Remix

Here is what I wanted to do, but didn't because I don't want that girl to think I'm a psycho. So as soon as this guy walks up, I know what he is going to do. The first thought in my mind is, "Come on you old fuck, wait in line like everybody else." So I turn to him and say, "Hey man, why don't you wait in line until I am done." This old fucker seems like he is lost and says to me, "Blow it out your ass sonny." I, being the nice guy that I am, punch him square in his pie hole and knock him to the ground. I start to kick that fuck in the face while he is down on the ground. All of the sudden the chinese guy that is always there stands up and says "Why don you pik on sum wun your own age." I look over at the Lo Pan lookin muther ucker and say," Why don't you suck my balls, come forrow me outside and I will show you whats up, bitch!" This angers the tiny little man so much that he runs to his car and comes back with a sword. I am not scared of this, I have fought guys when I had nothing and they had guns. It was called 'NAM. So I reach back into my pocket and pull out my handy carry-along nunchucks. This dude was done in 2 seconds.

I look down where that old fuck had been laying and he was gone. I looked around and saw that he had taken a hostage in the back by the grill. It was the girl behind the counter. Rage built up inside me at the sight of this. I tell him to let her go and he says he will if I buy him his lunch. I am thinking that this dude is an idiot. I tell him ok and he lets her go. As soon as he does, I jump and do a roundhouse kick to his face. He's done, forget about it. The girl runs over and helps me up, being careful not to hurt my already cut open arm and leg. She looks at me and says, " No one has ever saved me like that. Do you want to go make out in the back?" I tell her I can't because I am late for work, but later on she could come over and make me dinner.

Now the second story was a work of fiction, with some truthful elements sprinkled in for effect. Anyway, the meaning of this post today is to remind people that manners make a big difference in this world. If everyone had good manners, I think this world would be a better place. But I would say that on a daily basis, I run into more fuckin jerks than nice friendly people. But whatever.

Fake people

So again I am going to rant about fake people and why they piss me off. This is why I don't make new friends that often, or I usually hate everyone that I meet. Fake people are everywhere. You always have to be on your toes, never let your guard down, even if it means not getting to know someone who is a good person. Usually I can tell when someone is good or not, but lately I have been all over the charts with my findings. Even if it's someone you know but never really hung out with before. These are the worst kind of traps.

Everything is going good, you let your guard down and let that person in, then what happens, you get shit on. Again. Then you think to yourself, why do I let people in who aren't worth it? Because I am a nice person, a nice guy who gets shit on constantly. While these fuckin shallow assholes are there to take over for the nice guy. This is all fine. It's the way life goes for us nice guys. Someday we will have ours. I just don't wanna wait forever.

But getting back to the fake people, they go throughout life never realising what they have done or what they are doing. They don't care about other people's feelings, just their own. Well I say Fuck you to those people. If you weren't so insecure about yourself, then maybe you would give a crap about other people. I don't know if this was how I was raised or just a product of my surroundings growing up, but I do care. To tell ya the truth, I wish i didn't. This is my downfall in life. Everytime I visit my old home town where I went to high school, it just seems that nothing ever changes much. People are the same, the town is shitty, to many scums around, the list is endless. The only reason I keep going back are my family and close friends are still there. But down there, I can't tell if someone is being genuine or not. My intuition is a little off kilter. And that is fucking with me. I usually go by my gut reactions, but my gut has been off lately.

When I am back up where I currently reside, gut reaction is right on most of the time. I hardly ever second guess my gut. I guess this means that I am moving on in my life, growing into a different person. Maybe my gut is telling me not to make decisions when I am back home visiting. I don't know, but it has been messing with me for a while now. Anyway, thats my rant for now. Check back later for your official "How to fuck with the fake people in your life" complete works.

When did this happen?

Maturity

A word that has different meanings for everyone. What one person thinks to be mature, another thinks it isn't. To me, maturity is being able to let go what you want most. It's having the balls to say,"I really want this, but it just doesn't make sense to why I should have it."

I remember reading somewhere that a person is judged on how they handle difficult times in their life. If this is true, then I must be in front of Simon waiting for him to tell me how horrible my voice is. In the past, this situation would be killing me. I would constantly be thinking and rethinking about it. Day in and day out. I would go to sleep thinking and wake up thinking. What I am trying to say is, I would be thinking about it. A lot.

Well, thanks to the maturing process, I haven't really been thinking about it that much. It's on my mind, but not in the frontal regions, maybe more in the sub-cockal area. Anyway, I have realized that by maturing, I have dealt with things better in my life. Don't get me wrong, this stuff is hard to deal with, but now that I am older things are a little different.

I am what you call an "Emotional Bottler". For those of you who don't know what that is, you're dumb. It means I don't talk about my personal feelings all that often. As I get older, this really isn't the case anymore. Somethings I still don't talk much about, but that is alright. Not everyone needs to know about my business.

I finally realized, through some strong words, that I need to stop bottling things up and just deal with them. I feel that I am a mature enough person to do this. When I was in high school, no way. I was just too immature. But now that I am older, I have to stop hiding behind the excuse that I am not mature enough to deal with my issues. To that I say Fuck It. Does anyone ever want to deal with their problems? I don't know. But I am tired of not dealing with mine. It's time. No way to sugar coat it, things have gone on long enough. It's time to finally grow up and be a man.

So as I am sitting here reading this, I am thinking to myself "Why now?" I can't answer that because I don't know. Most likely, I will come out of this a better person. A stronger person to be exact. That's what I am hoping for.

This is for those that don't know

For those of you who don't know me, Fuck you. Thats what I have to say to you. For those of you who do know me, Fuck you. One thing that I am sick of is people being fake. Fake people make me puke. If you can't be yourself, all the time, then you shouldn't go out in public at all.

Again, I say Fuck you.

For those who change sides all the time to please someone else, you are only cheating yourself. If you act a certain way around one group and act a completely different way around another group, you are fuckin dumb. Seriously dumb.

To that I say, Fuck you.

Now some who are reading this might think, "Hey fucktard, you sometimes act like that." To that I say, true. I could and should be called a hypocrite for writing this. Everyone knows that there is a nickname out there for me known as "Gay Bob", but this only happens once in a great while and it hasn't happened in a long time. Fuck you, I was watching basketball that one night, seriously. But I have had an awakening, so to speak. What the fuck is the point of being different around different people, when in the long run, it's only going to come back and bite you in the ass anyway.

In high school, we had a friend that would always lie to get out of another lie. This mentatlity will eventually catch up with you. It's the same way of thinking when dealing with being different around different people.

To this, I say Fuck yeah.

It's true that I have been known to maybe get a little different in certain situations, but come on, everyone does it at one time or another. Hear me now, believe me later, I am going to be one person all the time. This shit causes unwanted stress in my life that I don't need at all. Seriously, I mean what I say.

To all the naysayer's, I say Fuck you.

I was in a conversation the other day that made me realize everything that I usually worry about or shit that makes me think a lot, doesn't need to be there. What I mean is, it's brought on myself by myself. I am what you would modestly call an "over-thinker." For those of you who don't know me, that was sarcastic.

For those of you who do, I say Fuck you.

I took the act of over-thinking and made it into an art form. Seriously, I am always over-thinking things when they should just be left alone. I would over-think so much that it would actually get me sick. But then I thought, all the time that I waste fuckin thinking about shit, I could have been doing something fun or relaxing. That's when I realized, why stop my life from happening when I think about something too much? The ONLY things that need to be thought out about are marriage, living with a member of the opposite sex and buying a home/car. The first and third options are no-brainers, but I put living with a member of the opposite sex in at No. 2 because when I did it, I didn't think about it too much. Yeah, well I should have. Thats why, I will probably never live like that again, unless I am married or Nicole feels like living in Chicago.

To anyone else who wants to live with me and they are a girl, I say Fuck you.

Now I did learn a lot during my brief experience living with a girl. This wouldn't be something that I ever regret because I grew a lot from this experience. The big learning experience was realizing a lot of fights we would get into would all stem from nothing. Fighting over a bunch of bullshit like it even mattered in the big picture. For that I am sorry. I learned that girls think guys are mind readers. I learned you don't hang out with your friends nearly enough when you have a significant other waiting at home. I also learned that girls can be really fuckin needy. And by needy I mean, they never give you a chance to have some alone time. Give me a fucking break just because I don't want to hang out with you 24/7 doesn't mean i never want to hang out with you. I need my space as well. But when you tell this to them, they flip out and say things, but not limited to, like this:

Girl: "You must not like me that much, you never want to hang out with me."

Guy: "I fucking live with you, I see you all the time."

Now that guy has fucked up. He shouldn't have led with "fucking." When in a argument with your girlfriend, usuing the word "fucking" is very dangerous. Now the girl thinks he is getting angry. Watch out for the tears. All he needed to say was:

Guy: "I do want to hang out with you, but I just need to be alone right now."

If he would have said this, maybe just maybe, would he have been off the hook. But with a comment like that, the girl is gonna get suspicious about something. Here are a couple questions that might come out of that sentence.

"Do you not love me anymore?" "Is something worng?" "Are you cheating on me?"

Lets choose one of these.

Girl: "Do you not love me anymore?"

Guy: "Where the hell did you come up with that?"

Girl: "You said you like to be alone."

Guy's Mind: "FUCK! This chick is stupid!"

Guy: "I do love you. Don't say that."

Girl: "Then why don't you want to hang out with me?"

And she has you there. If you were to say, I just like being alone once in a while, she would say something about you always wanting to be alone and the fight would blow up from there. This isn't totally fact, but I have experienced this many times.

There are only a few girls that I have met that understand that guys need time alone to do whatever they need to do. I don't know what it is about coming home from work and relaxing by yourself for an hour or two, but it makes a huge difference in my mood. I know I am a moody person, and I am trying to get better.

For those of you who are laughing at me being modest about my moods, I say Fuck you.

Seriously, if I am in a bad mood and you give me an hour to chill or do whatever I want to do, you will have a completely different mood from me. But not if during that hour you are talking to me, then I am still going to be pissed. Leave me the fuck alone. Isn't that what alone time is all about?

This post isn't about anyone specific, so if you are thinking that, Fuck you. This post is about me coming to realize that some of my superpowers, i.e., "over-thinking" aren't really that super at all. This is just a rant about how I came to a realization about myself and how I am maturing as a person. I know that it's funny to think about, me maturing. To that I say Fuck you.

Hey haven't seen you in a while

It's been a while since I have posted on here, and I guess I have some explainging to do.

First off, it's not that I didn't want to post, it's just that I didn't have anything to write about. I could go off on tangents about how people piss me off, but that wouldn't get me anywhere. But speaking of people that piss me off, I have noticed a certain group of drivers that I will dub "Hypocrite Drivers" or "HD's" for short.

These fuckin HD's are the people that drive on your ass when traveling on the freeway, but get behind them on the side streets and they drive like fuckin 18 in a 35. It drives me fuckin crazy. Seriously, I can't fuckin stand it. These people are in such a hurry on the highway that, i guess, when they got off, they are ahead of schedule so they don't see the need to drive the speed limit.

But anyway, I don't want to get angry at these people becasue what is the point of that? Why waste my precious time in getting all huffy about it. Those fuckin jerks. And they act like they can't see you behind them, but you know they can. I can see their fuckin eyes looking back as I wave a nice gesture or two in their direction.

So what do they do then? They fuckin slow down. BASTARDS!

Ok, I'm better. Don't want to talk about that anymore because thats not the point of this post. The point of this post is to reflect on my past. To try and think about my life and how I am doing. My best friend just had a fuckin whopper of a situation thrown on his lap and he handled it pretty well, given the situation. But it's not over yet. There has yet to be a night of drinking to mark this occasion. Maybe next weekend will be that time. Which brings me back to what I had originally wanted to say.

I am a shy person. I know this, my good friends also know this. That said, when a friend of mine gets together with someone he or she likes, I usually don't think anything about it until I meet them. My first impressions are usually right. I have been known to make a mistake here and there, but not likely. I usually tell my friends what I think and thats usually it. They can listen all they want, it's just my opinion. But the thing that kills me most is when I do have a bad first impression and I tell my friend and then it comes true. I hate having this gut instinct that usually tells me what I don't want to hear. Anyway, this post is making me look like I am full of myself, but if you knew me, I am not.

On a lighter note, I think car companies should make extra strength front bumpers on cars so that if some jerkoff is going really slow in front of you, you can ram them. I couldn't tell you how many times that thought has crossed my mind. I mean if I had my old car, the original "BOBSMK1", I wouldn't think twice about ramming that asshole talking on their cell phone.

What a weird post this was. This is what happens when I start to write something and have no idea what I am gonna write about. This is how my brain works. Random thoughts interrupted by random anger for shitty drivers. Thats fucked up.

I hope this has been informative for you folks.

Whoever is reading this remember, what a good breakfast pickles make.

Like, You Know, Like, Yeah That's Hot

This is the face of our future. FUCK!

My buddy and I went to lunch today, like we normally do during work. I ordered my food and he ordered his. I found a booth and put my stuff there, then headed up to get a drink. What I didn't notice until after it was pointed out to me, was the fact that in the next booth there were 5 teenage girls. Fuck. Teenage girls piss me off. Not only are they loud, but they also giggle way too much. Anyway, back to my first rant. Oh yeah, the language that was coming out of their mouths was ridiculous. Let me give you an example:

Teenage Girl # 1: So, like, he said this and like I was like yeah and then he was like so, and I was like like you know. (insert giggles here)

Teenage Girl # 2: I totally understand, like what you are like talking about like, yeah (insert more irritating fuckin giggles here)

I looked at my buddy and we both start to laugh. Then he came to a conclusion on why these girls were talking like that. Paris Fucking Hilton! The "NEW MTV" generation at it's finest. It's because of people like Paris Hilton, todays' youth is dumb. But this problem can't totally, like be blamed on like these celebrities. Like, what about, like the people that, like make them famous. Fuck! They like got me. Fuck! Got me again.

Think of some of the shit that is on TV and ask yourself why is it on TV? I was like totally watching VH1 the other day and saw an episode of "Flavor of Love" or whateve it's called. Man, that show is garbage. But it was the only thing on at the time, so I watched it. I could have shit out a better show than that. But that is just my point. That show is just one of a million other shows just like it. So what else is there to watch? Nothing good.

We need to blame the producers of these shows as well as the dumbass celebrities that appear on them. Now when a good show comes along, like "Freaks & Geeks" or "Firefly", it gets cancelled. Forever gone from our lives. All we have are the old episodes that we have watched 50,000 times already. Wait, what's that. They have a show called "My Sweet 16" on MTV. Oh my god, thats like totally awesome like yeah. Have you ever watched that show. I don't think there is a decent person on that show. The 16 yeard old girls are fuckin stupid, along with their "I will do anything for you" god damn retarded parents. And then other teenage girls watch this shit and want to be like them. It makes me sick.

So what can be done about this stupidity epidemic going around? I don't know, i'm not a fuckin scientist. But I do know that if this trend about like yeah like so totally cool like people are on TV, then I am going to be reading an awful lot of books. I am dumb enough, I don't need Paris Hilton to help get dumber.