When did this happen?

Maturity

A word that has different meanings for everyone. What one person thinks to be mature, another thinks it isn't. To me, maturity is being able to let go what you want most. It's having the balls to say,"I really want this, but it just doesn't make sense to why I should have it."

I remember reading somewhere that a person is judged on how they handle difficult times in their life. If this is true, then I must be in front of Simon waiting for him to tell me how horrible my voice is. In the past, this situation would be killing me. I would constantly be thinking and rethinking about it. Day in and day out. I would go to sleep thinking and wake up thinking. What I am trying to say is, I would be thinking about it. A lot.

Well, thanks to the maturing process, I haven't really been thinking about it that much. It's on my mind, but not in the frontal regions, maybe more in the sub-cockal area. Anyway, I have realized that by maturing, I have dealt with things better in my life. Don't get me wrong, this stuff is hard to deal with, but now that I am older things are a little different.

I am what you call an "Emotional Bottler". For those of you who don't know what that is, you're dumb. It means I don't talk about my personal feelings all that often. As I get older, this really isn't the case anymore. Somethings I still don't talk much about, but that is alright. Not everyone needs to know about my business.

I finally realized, through some strong words, that I need to stop bottling things up and just deal with them. I feel that I am a mature enough person to do this. When I was in high school, no way. I was just too immature. But now that I am older, I have to stop hiding behind the excuse that I am not mature enough to deal with my issues. To that I say Fuck It. Does anyone ever want to deal with their problems? I don't know. But I am tired of not dealing with mine. It's time. No way to sugar coat it, things have gone on long enough. It's time to finally grow up and be a man.

So as I am sitting here reading this, I am thinking to myself "Why now?" I can't answer that because I don't know. Most likely, I will come out of this a better person. A stronger person to be exact. That's what I am hoping for.